I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
