Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
