Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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