I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
