they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
