you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
