I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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