Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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