Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
