That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
