why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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