bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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