i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
