My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize