I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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