Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
