He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
