I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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