When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
