The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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