I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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