Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
