I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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