It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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