guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
