Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
