proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
