I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
