I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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