Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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