Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
