wrigley field is MILF paradise
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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