I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
