i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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