im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
