I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
