matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
