I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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