Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
