There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
