Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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