I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
