Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
