I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
