I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
