So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
