You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
