Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
