the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
