you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
